i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
