I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
