I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
