when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
