too bad you live with your parents still
You can't special order awesome
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
