i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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