wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
