your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
