WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
