My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
