Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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