Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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