my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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