"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
