I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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