Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
