I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She even gives head with a lisp.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
