Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
