dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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