Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
