If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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