If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
