Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
only if we run a train.
done.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
