just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
