he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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