Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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