The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
