Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he shaved USA in his pubs
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
