dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
