then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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