Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh god it's open bar.
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