Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
