Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
