Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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