names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i believe in u and ur pee
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
