we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
