well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
