hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
