I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
