Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
