Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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