Define "chronic" masturbator.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize