Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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