pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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