i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize