I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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