I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
