theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
