Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
