She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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