three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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