can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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