its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
