Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
