I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
