P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
