We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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