he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize