Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
