He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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