No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
