I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
