I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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