I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
