Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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