in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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