we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
