Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
