Yo dont text me then not text me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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