I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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