since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
