So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
