Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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