i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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