Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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