Do vagina's smell?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
