So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
