i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
