Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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