Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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