Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
