wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
