i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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