you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
