okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
