A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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