i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize