Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
