Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
