I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
