We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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