i think i have herpe
just one?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
