her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
