She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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