i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
