im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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