Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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