creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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