Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize