Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize