Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
