yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
