I'm pants shitting drunk right now
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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