Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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