There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My pussy is not your playground.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
